December 19, 2009

This one's gonna be a not so happy one, I apologize, but I need to put this in. I think I'll start off with the better one first. In an earlier post I mentioned going to a Christmas party and getting pretty hammered. Well, when I got home I had ended up blackout messaging some people on Facebook, again. One happens to be a girl in my class, that, admittedly I have a crush on, it's silly high school shit, I know. Anyway, I typed out this message saying if I didn't send it now I wouldn't do it cause I'm a puss when sober. And sadly enough my drunk self was right. But I found that message on Friday, yesterday, after my friend Kayla informed me I had written it. So, naturally, well, for me, I apologized. She replied and said there was no need for apology, to have a good break, and we would see each other when we got back. So, needless to say I'm already looking forward to going back to school. But there is another reason behind that.
I came home Friday night, got home, and as usual my father was drunk. Lately it's difficult to tell when he's sober or drunk, he has a problem, but he's been confronted several times. Anyway, he gets pretty irate when drunk, over nothing usually. Not the I beat my kids irate, he's never hit me or my brother thankfully, but the yelling at the T.V. and whoever argues with him. Tonight, the first night I'm home for break, was no different. First it started with the damn Blackhawks game that was on. Normally he's not that big of a fan, but all of a sudden he's rooting hard core for them, and when they screw up he gets pissed, so every two minutes it's "They're gonna fuck it up", "They're gonna blow it", this and that and the other. No, it's not traumatizing, but it is annoying, and upsetting, because I don't know my real father, only the one who's got a couple beers in him. After that it switched to music, which I tend to get pretty heated over sometimes. This time was no different, talking about how Hip Hop artists don't write their own music they just use others. Admittedly they do use a lot of samples, but by their own right it is THEIR music. So I'm giving him examples of rock bands and artists that have done it, but as usual I'm never right, so this argument extended for awhile until I gave up out of frustration.
At this point it all kind of culminated into one big realization. One being that I won't get very far with the girl, and two being my Christmas break has started off pretty shitty so far. So, when I told her I would work on having a good break, I wasn't lying, I'm gonna have to work for it. So because of this I've already got my first New Year's resolution: Man up, zip up the man suit, be more outgoing, especially towards certain women, and when shit doesn't go my way, don't pout, just say, "Fuck It" and deal with it.
And if by chance she happens to read this, which she won't, now you know, if you haven't already, deal with it accordingly.