May 7, 2010

You know, for someone who's supposed to be pretty sure of himself, I don't really know what I want to think right now. I mean, I know where I want to be, but I don't know when or how I want to get there. I'm one of those people that thinks a lot about certain situations, and lately it's like I haven't been thinking at all. For instance, at the beginning of the year I said that I wouldn't get into anything relationship wise with anyone in the studio. And yet now I find myself thinking about it, and I tell myself every time to stop, but its too difficult to not think about it. Regardless I've put myself in a situation where all of my thoughts are jumbled up. But at the moment when we talk it's like none of that really matters, I'd just rather speak with her than not say anything at all. Ultimately what I guess I am looking for is just friendship, that's better than nothing, but sometimes it's better than everything. I don't think I've ever been in a state of mind in which I had no idea which direction I was going to go next. To be honest it's quite freeing really. I figured I would just let things go, and so far it's been working to my advantage, and so that's why I'll just keep doing it. And lately I've been realizing just how lucky I am. A lot of this will be lost on you I know, because you haven't experienced this exact experience that I am getting from Landscape Architecture right now. Not only has this major given me some really good friends, but the department has treated me and my fellow students quite well. I enjoy the classes, that allow me to explore new options. But on top of that I love a lot of the professors, not like that, but more in the sense that they know so much yet they are so grounded. Hell, I basically had a drink with at least two of them, and they were cool about it. I also had all of those problems with financial aid and registration early in the semester and I ended up being able to still go to class while working out the problems. Any other department in the university probably would not have allowed that. So I really feel like I owe them something, but I doubt that favor will ever get repaid while they are still here. Then there is the fact that I won that scholarship thanks to my studio mates. They nominated me for the award, two people came up with the letter and had a large portion of the class sign it. I owe these people whatever $500 is worth and they could care less, so I thank them at every not so annoying opportunity and continue to do what it was that got me the award. Just to clarify the parameters were: 1. be in the classes we were currently in 2. be helpful 3. have good graphic quality. I'm not necessarily saying I'm that qualified, but they did, so I'm grateful. But hey, thanks for reading up on another rant, I really don't know what you think about all this, so comments would be great. Thanks guys.