September 28, 2010

For the last few weeks I've been pretty down. No money, a lot of work, and several other things that just don't seem to go my way, including some family issues I still haven't worked out. All in all my life feels like hell. I got real, real down one night, felt like I was a worthless nobody, then I wrote down everything I was thinking about and after about two hours I felt ten times better. Everything was good for a few days, then the pain of having no money hit again, and I got a call from my Mother telling me a family friend had died, not really anything I can do about it, but it still sucks. But then tonight happened.

First I went to this show "Elephant" put on by one of the professors/alums here at the U of I. It was actually pretty freakin' cool, a lot to enjoy, it was an art piece in the form of acting, dancing, storytelling, and a theatrical experience as well. After that I headed to the studio to start working on my project, which sucked. Then I started talking to one of my good friends who's been having a rough go at it as well. So I did what I always do and listened to her. That's probably what I'm best at anyway. Then it dawned on me, if I have no other purpose in life but to be a friend for someone who needs it, then I'm fine with that. I mean yea, Landscape Architecture is my passion, and I will continue learning it and eventually become a Landscape Architect, but I will always be a friend to someone in need. Now, I'm not saying once that need is gone I'm gone, I just want to be there for someone like so many have done for me. This girl I've been talking to lately, yea, we've only known each other for about a year, but I would do just about anything for her, mainly because it seems that would just help her a ton, but because I'm in the same situation in a lot of ways, her problems are different, but they tend to mirror mine. Some things she's going through are a lot different than anything I've ever experienced so I'm just trying to be understanding and offer what little advice I can. Basically everything I can gather from that and many other conversations I've had with others can be put into one thought. Maybe I'm here to be the person to talk to, maybe I should take that time away to just help others. I could be wrong, but for now, if that's what's keeping me sane then I'll continue to help others stay sane as well.