September 6, 2010

You know, I really don't understand it. After everything I talked about in my last post for some reason I still see myself as a nobody, like I haven't accomplished anything and there's no reason for anyone to be proud of me. I was feeling good about today, thing were looking up. Then when I get home tonight my brother starts talking to me on Facebook and all of sudden things just took a nose dive. He started freaking out on me, saying I've been acting like a dickhead and an asshole. Then signed off with the final thing said "Youre a fucking dickhead". How's that supposed to make me feel. It's all relatively unwarranted, especially that fact that he and my mother both felt the same way. Yea, I'm talking to a girl, big deal, it doesn't make me change my mood towards them. Yet for some reason that's what they associate it with. So that's just one more thing to add to the pile. He defriended on Facebook, for some reason that feels like the ultimate dis. I guess because everyone we're friends with can see that, I'm not sure, it just got to me, I broke down. Everything that had been wearing away at me hit me all at once and there was nothing I could do. Maybe I have a pretty privileged life, but for some reason I still feel like an unfit person, and it's all backed up by the way they've been treating me. I feel like such a baby even complaining about it. But over the last four years I've seen how much more favored than me he is for some reason.

So basically it's going to go a little something like this. I'm going to let it ride, if he doesn't want to talk to me ever again, so be it. I don't mind being "that guy" at this point, seems like I have been all along. People can take me as I am, I don't really care anymore. I'm going to take my grandfathers advice and concentrate on me, I don't need to worry about other people's problems.